Do you see colour?
I didn’t know I was not white.
I am a Brit! When I was born we lived in a small rural village in the UK. We were the only non-white family. I had no idea that I was different to my friends.
My father worked for the railways most of his life so we went everywhere by train. I remember, one day we were on the train and me and my sister were chatting away.
A man said to my parents. “Your children speak excellent English!”
In that moment I became suddenly aware that I was not seen as English.
My parents taught me about the ‘colour-bar’ that they experienced and told me I would need to work twice as hard to get the same job as a white person. But they also taught me about the richness and beauty in being of Indian origin and I also felt a connection to the ‘Indian-ness’ in me.
I felt English and Indian at the same time but this didn’t stop people wanting to categorise me. “Would you like to be called black or coloured?” is what one teacher asked me. Well neither, I would like to be called Chaya! Funny how she didn’t ask any other kids, ‘would you like to be called brunette or brown haired’!
About a decade later, in my first week in my high-school, I came across some kids from another school. Many of them looked more like me than my friends. One of the girls boldly asked me… “What samaj are you in?” I was totally confused, what was she asking? “You’re a Prajapati aren’t you!” she declared. I still didn’t understand. It turned out that we were in the same community; one defined by the old Indian caste system. I went home with so many questions.
Looking back this might have been the inspiration for my graduate dissertation on ‘The social identity of second-generation migrants’ and later my national leadership role in the Prajapati community, where I championed inclusion.
Another 20 years later, I was on holiday in Germany with my husband and two girls who at the time were in the English stream of European schooling in The Netherlands. They were chatting away and a German man said. “Your children speak very good English, where are you from?” After a few ‘where are you originally’ from questions, I put him out of his misery and told him my parents are from India.
Where are you from? This is a question that always confuses my children. They feel English, but they were born in and consider The Netherlands their home. They are raised as a Hindus and value their Indian heritage and culture, but live in a very international city.
If you have been raised, like many of us to be politically correct and see people equally, it is easy to assume that “people are just people, I see them as all the same.” But their experiences may not be the same as yours. (If you want to learn more specifically on race in the US- here are two books to read Meghan Burke- Colorblind Racism and Austin Channing-Brown- I am still here)
What you see matters. The desire to be politically correct can keep us from seeing but also valuing qualities that make up a person. Of course you see a person’s colour, but what you don’t see is who they are. When we have conversations and build connections with a person we can get a clearer picture of their experiences.
“Think about this. What we don’t understand, we fear. What we fear, we judge as evil. What we judge as evil, we attempt to control. And what we cannot control…we attack.”
So lets communicate in a way that respects and acknowledges the whole human in front of us, here are some tips:
1) Slow down so that you can become more aware of your bubble. Aware of your own experiences, culture, background and basis of your view of the world. This is where your biases grow from. Bias is a fast and instinctive reaction to external stimulus. So just by slowing down we can give ourselves a chance to see the subjectivity of the world we experience.
2) Experience and acknowledge new bubbles. Expand your experiences through conversations. Talk to people who aren’t from the same bubble you are from. What is true for them, what is different for them. You don’t need to agree with their reality to acknowledge it. Learning and growing comes from the breadth of experiences we can expose ourselves to, so seek out experiences, not just once but over and over.
3) Practice, practice, practice anti-sexism, anti-racism, anti-homophobia etc. Recognise it in ourselves, call it out in others and question the systems that allow bias to exist.
Looking critically at the biased view we have of the world is not easy, and it will be tough to have these conversations. But when we see differences as they exist and connect with humans of any colour, gender, sexual orientation, background etc. we can acknowledge and appreciate their experiences.
This is one of the reasons I designed a quick and free webinar to help anyone who is feeling stuck and not sure about how to have conversations about race and bias to confront those biases and start to unpick how bias impacts your work and personal relationships.
